In the last decade, the term “helicopter mom” has risen in popularity. For those not familiar with the moniker, a helicopter mom is one that “hovers.” She is overbearing and way too overprotective.
Basically, she needs to be glued to her child at all times while catering to his every whim. In the event helicopter mom happens to be away from her child, she may become hysterical and need medical attention.
I have been accused of being overbearing once or twice (okay, at least a hundred times, but who’s counting?).
Sure, laugh all you want. But there’s a good chance that you belong to this group of psychos, too. Read along to find out:
1 | You still cut your kid’s food and hold hands while crossing the street. Your kid will turn 18 next week.
2 | You’ve been uninvited from the annual July 4th barbecue at your neighbor’s house because last year, all you wanted to talk about was the rash on your child’s back and whether it was coxsackie. Or chicken pox. Or measles. Or maybe coxsackie.
3 | You have 10 bottles of sanitizer available at your front door. And the back door. And in everybody’s room.
4 | In line for the swings, a little girl cuts in front of yours. You figure it’s the perfect time to bust out your karate moves. Nobody messes with your child!
5 | You cringe at the word “norovirus.” If, by some strange reason, a family member or friend catches it, they are banned from your house for at least six months and only allowed to return with a signed doctor’s note.
6 | You are hated by the family doctor. In fact, she has considered practicing in another state with the sole purpose of escaping your insanity.
7 | Your child has only just started kindergarten, and you’ve already told him that the boogie man lives everywhere else but here. You have perfected the lie in case he gets the crazy idea to go away to college someday. Or wants to move out one day. Shudder.
8 | Rectal thermometers.
9| Whenever you call someone, it goes directly to voicemail. Sad but true, nobody wants to talk to you. You are a worrywart who obsesses over every last detail. You’re annoying. People run from you like the plaque.
10 | When someone tells you to calm down, you look at them as if they were delusional. It doesn’t matter how many people tell you to calm down. You do not see it. You won’t accept the fact that you’re crazy. Eventually, everyone gives up. Except you. You will gladly talk about your child’s low grade temperature all day. And coxsackie. And norovirus…..