11 Summer Camps Parents Desperately Need to Be Real

Hey, kids! Welcome to Camp Holy Crap Please Just Learn How to Ride Your Bike Already! Activities include bike riding, wound dressing, and occasional crying.

Oh, summer, how we love you! Blue skies, long days, and happy kids home from school.

Well, mostly happy kids.

Um. Sort of happy kids.

OK FINE. Bratty-ass kids complaining that they’re SOOO BORED.

Summer camps to the rescue!

Even with so many good ones to choose from, there’s still a handful of summer camps we really wish were real. Like these:

[su_spacer size=”30″][/su_spacer]Camp Holy Crap Please Just Learn How to Ride Your Bike Already

Camp activities: Bike riding. Wound dressing. Yelling. Occasional crying.

Camp motto: No one calls home.

[su_spacer size=”30″][/su_spacer]Camp Rediscover the Joy of All the Things We’ve Already Given You

Camp activities: Wrapping and unwrapping your own stuff.

Camp motto: Surprise!

[su_spacer size=”30″][/su_spacer]Camp Practice Something. Anything. Just Pick Something.

Camp activities: Practicing anything. Anything at all. Rock collecting, yo-yo, violin, sewing. Pick any one of the 4000 things you’ve said you want to be able to do, and F*CKING PRACTICE IT.

Camp motto: We sort of believe in you.

[su_spacer size=”30″][/su_spacer]Camp Try Harder

Camp activities: Trying harder. Can’t carry all the things? Try harder. Can’t finish your homework? Try harder. Can’t find your shoes? Try harder.

Camp motto: Literally no one cares.

[su_spacer size=”30″][/su_spacer]Camp Nope

Camp activities: You ask us for things. We say no. Repeat.

Camp motto: You can’t always get what you want.

[su_spacer size=”30″][/su_spacer]Camp The Drums Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time, But Turns Out You Sorta Suck

Camp activities: Getting a grip on reality.

Camp motto: You’re average.

[su_spacer size=”30″][/su_spacer]Camp If You Don’t Take Care of Your Pets, They’ll Die

Camp activities: Take care of your pet, or watch it die.

Camp motto: This is how life actually works.

[su_spacer size=”30″][/su_spacer]Camp Find Someone Who’ll Pay You to Do That Cuz I Won’t

Camp activities: Unload someone else’s dishwasher, see if they pay you. Fold someone else’s laundry, see if they pay you. Mow someone else’s lawn, see if they pay you.

Camp motto: We’re not stupid, kid.

[su_spacer size=”30″][/su_spacer]Camp Babysitting as Birth Control (for Tweens + Teens)

Camp activities: Taking care of several babies for 336 non-stop hours.

Camp motto: You don’t want one.

[su_spacer size=”30″][/su_spacer]Camp No Seriously, You’re Killing Us With the Play-by-Play

Camp activities: Editing.

Camp motto: We love you but we really need you to get to the f*cking point.

[su_spacer size=”30″][/su_spacer]Camp You Have to Carry Your Own Damn Stuff

Camp activities: Carrying your own damn stuff.

Camp motto: No, you can’t put it in my bag.


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