5 Rules of Parenting According to “Fuller House”

The new Netflix series “Fuller House” is built on 60% nostalgia and 40% laugh tracks.

The new Netflix series “Fuller House” is a spinoff of the favorite after-school nineties sitcom “Full House.”

Its combination of 60% nostalgia and 40% laugh tracks somehow create something 100% awesome and totally addicting. DJ Tanner welcomes her sister Stephanie and friend/annoying sidekick Kimmy Gibbler to come live with her and help take care of DJ’s three sons.

The three unite to become a super parent while teaching us very important lessons about the job. The rules of parenting according to Fuller House are:

1. It’s okay to take credit for your elders’ parenting methods as long as you are significantly hotter than them.

Since the show is a continuation of Full House, it makes reference to the old Full House gang a lot. The girls are always considering what their dad or their Uncle Jesse or their Uncle Joey might do in a given situation. They even replicate identical solutions to the ones devised by their old parent figures.

But it works out because the girls are just way hotter than Danny, Jesse, and Joey were, so we forget that we’ve seen those exact scenes before most of the time. And when we remember, we have a moment of that precious, beautiful nostalgia I was talking about earlier and move on.

2. Babysitters don’t actually require that much screening.

DJ does little to no work when it comes to choosing sitters for her boys. Did their mom live nextdoor to her as a kid? Does she know next to nothing else about them? They’re hired! (Cough cough Ramona.)

3. Don’t worry too much about your kids

Tommy is fine. He’s just completely alone in the other room for most of the show.

4. Electronics are the best because they are the only tool you have for punishing your kid

I loved Fuller House, but I definitely cringed at how often those kids were on their electronics. The on-going joke was that the kids would really only do what was expected of them if their cell phones were involved in the deal. Ramona only agreed to babysit so she could videoblog about it. Brilliant Max was devastated when uncle Joey took away his iPad on which he was watching a live stream of satellites on Pluto.

I know that’s actually how life is, but I don’t watch full house so I can watch how life actually is. Bring back Joey and the woodchuck puppet!

5. In order to be a good parent you must be lame.

DJ is the only good parent on the show because every time she even comes close to being cool she catches herself and turns right around. She’s pretty smoking hot, but somehow manages to be extremely awkward around men. Even Kimmy, annoying as ever, is interesting to guests and is also sort of a doormat when it comes to parenting and therefore her daughter totally digs her.

Stephanie of course is the present-day Uncle Jesse who no one expects to be a good parent because she just oozes cool. Lorelai Gilmore is rolling in her fictional (she’s not actually dead) grave.