7 “Weird Al” Yankovic Songs That Are Secretly About Parenting

Turns out, over the years,”Weird Al” has written a song about almost every parental hardship imaginable.

I used to think “Weird Al” songs were just funny. But now that I’m a parent, many of my favorite lyrics speak to me on a deeper level. In fact, “Weird Al” seems to have written a song about almost every parental hardship, from the struggle to feed my kids a healthy meal to my total lack of a functional brain.

Maybe you can relate, too:

Eat It” (Parody of “Beat It” by Michael Jackson)

Sample Lyrics:

Don’t want to argue, I don’t want to debate
Don’t want to hear about what kind of food you hate
You won’t get no dessert ’till you clean off your plate
So eat it

Seriously kid! Just eat your dinner. It’s not poison, it’s chicken. JUST EAT IT.

I Can’t Watch This” (Parody of “U Can’t Touch This” by M.C Hammer)

Sample Lyrics:

My my my my TV makes me so bored
Makes me say, oh my lord
What is this garbage here?
Wanna cover my eyes and plug my ears
It sucks, and that’s no lie
It’s about as much fun as watching paint dry
Lowers my IQ one notch
And that’s the reason why, uh, I can’t watch

I’m begging you sweetie, please don’t make me sit through another episode of “Paw Patrol.” Or “Shimmer and Shine.” Or (shudder) “Caillou.” I can’t do it!

Everything You Know is Wrong” (Original song in the style of They Might Be Giants)

Sample Lyrics:

Everything you know is wrong
Black is white, up is down and short is long
And everything you thought was just so
Important doesn’t matter

Everything you know is wrong
Just forget the words and sing along
All you need to understand is
Everything you know is wrong

Before I was a parent I thought I knew a few things about logic. Now I spend 15 minutes apologizing to a furious four-year-old that all the rocket crackers are gone because he ate them. Everything I knew was wrong.

Gotta Boogie” (Original song)

Sample Lyrics:

Gotta boogie (gotta boogie)
Gotta boogie (gotta boogie)
Gotta boogie (gotta boogie)
Gotta boogie on my finger and I can’t shake it off

My kids are covered with boogers. Boogers drip out of their noses, cover their sleeves, and slime up their hair. So of course, their boogers are all over me. I’m covered in child snot and it’s never coming off. 

Girls Just Want to Have Lunch” (Parody of “Girls Just Want to Have Fun” by Cindy Lauper)

Sample Lyrics:

Some girls like to buy new shoes
And others like drivin’ trucks and wearing tattoos
There’s only one thing that they all like a bunch
Oh, girls, they want to have lunch
Oh, girls just want to have lunch

I have exactly five minutes to prepare, serve, and get the kids to eat a midday meal before they scream, worm out of their chairs, and take their pants off. You guys, I just want to eat lunch. And no, a handful of Cheerios from the floor doesn’t count.

Slime Creatures from Outer Space” (Original song)

Sample lyrics:

They got hands all covered with fungus
They got eyes like some kinda bug
I sure hope they don’t come in here
I just shampooed the rug

Run for your lives
(Slime creatures from outer space)
(Slime creatures from outer space)

Piles of dishes, mounds of laundry, toys everywhere, mud on the…is that poop??? Who pooped on the floor? It’s almost as if my kids were sent from a different planet with the sole mission of making our house mucky and disgusting. It’s an invasion!

Dare to Be Stupid” (Original song in the style of Devo)

Sample Lyrics:

Dare to be stupid (yes)
Why don’t you dare to be stupid
It’s so easy to do
Dare to be stupid
We’re all waiting for you
Dare to be stupid

Pregnancy brain is one thing, but parent brain? Oh, parent brain lasts forever. I forget simple words like “filing cabinet” and “toilet.” I enter rooms with a purpose and forget what it was. I call my children, dog, cat, husband and even myself by the wrong name daily. But I accept it. I am daring to be this unabashedly stupid.

And it’s all because I know at least “Weird Al” has my back.