Hopefully with April Fools Day here, you’re considering how to pull one over on your kids. I’ve scoured the internet and consulted with a few smart asses to offer you these suggestions, which I’ve in turn taken it upon myself to grade somewhat arbitrarily. Parent.Co and I are in no way to be held responsible for punches to the guts, crying children, or disownment.
1. Tell the kids you have to run a specific boring errand in a location they know the way to on one side of town. Make them come. Drive in the wrong direction and pretend you’re lost. End up at their favorite ice cream joint.
Score: A+ You get to be a hero AND eat ice cream. There is nothing but win involved here.
2. Park your car around the corner at night. When you walk out the door for school, act like it was stolen.
Score: A While this does require some acting, the prep is simple and mess free. Additionally, psychological pranks that won’t necessarily come up in therapy later on test high.
3. Glue googley eyes on everything in the fridge.
Score: B Slightly painstaking, but can easily be done while blowing through an episode of House of Cards. Also, despite being responsible for the prank, I’d laugh my ass off every time I opened the refrigerator.
4. Convince your kid that a tomato is an exotic fruit they’ve never tried, called a “hawaiian apple”.
Score: B- Scores high for creativity, but brought down a few notches by the fact that if pulled off, you may be left wondering if your kid is perhaps huffing exhaust. On the plus side, you can now reallocate college fund to ultimate European vacation fund.
5. Wake them up and tell them even though it’s Saturday, they have to go to school to make up that last snow/sick day.
Score: C+ Requires no preparation, but is likely to end in tears and possible physical assault.
6. Fill bowls with cereal and milk the night before. Stick them in the freezer. Present them to children. Confusion and hilarity ensues.
Score: C The likelihood of me ruining two bowls worth of expensive organic cow milk is even lower than that of the likelihood of me remembering to buy a small bottle of the gas station mystery milk. Although the follow up of, “hahahahaha. Now fix your own breakfast. I have some Facebook to catch up on.” would be fun.
7. Pry apart a few oreos, scrape off the frosting and replace with toothpaste. Offer them as dessert and wait for their looks of disgust.
Score: D+ For one thing, this assumes my kids don’t know their way around a normal looking oreo. Additionally, WHY WASTE A PERFECTLY GOOD OREO? Blasphemous.
8. Put a helium balloon in the toilet to surprise them when they open the lid.
Score: F Any prank that risks getting toilet water in my eye is OFF THE LIST.
9. Set all of the clocks ahead a few hours. Wake them for the day when it’s actually 3 am. Serve them breakfast and get ready as usual. Usher them out to the car and yell April Fools when they realize it’s still dark. (A mom blogger LEGIT suggested this. At least she claimed to be a mom. I am unconvinced.)
Score: F MINUS MINUS WHO IN THE HELL DOES THIS? Like I’m dragging my own carcass out of bed in the middle of the night to stage what is sure to be an amplified version of the regular morning shitshow. On top of that, what the hell are you supposed to do once the prank is revealed? Send them back to bed and have to subject everyone to round two right as they finally get to sleep? This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.
And remember: never underestimate the power of a fart app (Whoopee cushions, while classic, just can’t compete with flatulent technology.)