Decide Which Kid You Like Better In 10 Easy Questions

by Mandy Waysman August 25, 2016

As parents we have to spend a lot of time figuring out the logistics of mundane parenting needs like feeding, sleeping schedules, babysitting, and how much candy to shovel into the wee ones' mouths.

We devote so much time to these minuscule, pitiful worries, in fact, that it becomes hard to devote proper time to figuring out which child is your favorite.

Here, let me help with this list of 10 questions:

1 | Do you only have one child? If yes, I really think this should be your favorite. Seems like an easy answer, but you never know.

2 | Have any of the children pooped, puked, or peed on you today? Yes? Not the favorite. Oh, I can hear your excuses...But he's just a baaabbbby! But she has the flu! C'mon. Do you want my help or not?

3 | Have any of the children gotten jobs yet? Whichever kid is gainfully employed is automatically the favorite. I’m not talking paper route either. I’m talking Fortune 500 companies. I’m talking model agencies. I’m talking movie star. I'm not messing around.

4 | Have any of your kids befriended a Kardashian? If you have two kids and one befriends a Kardashian, please refer to the first question in this list.

5 | Did one of your kids brush their teeth without being asked 53 times? Or 52 times? This kid is blazing a trail straight to the top of your favorite list.

6 | Did one of your kids yell at you to stop singing along to your jam in the car? Ok well, that kid's not the favorite. It's your car! Sing as loud as you want! When your kids pays for their own car, then we can talk.

7 | Did someone complain about the supper you provided? Unless that kid got up immediately and cooked something else for you involving both steak and lobster, that's an automatic downgrade from favorite child to runner-up.

8 | Did the kids complain that you ruined their lives today? How many times? Whoever said it most often actually moves up one position. It’s the least you could do after completely destroying the child at such a young age.

9 | Who gets up earliest? Not the favorite. The early bird doesn’t always get the worm around these parts.

10 | Who asked the least amount of questions today? WINNER!




Mandy Waysman

Author



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