All The Reasons I Shouldn't Have Another Baby in My Forties, Maybe

by ParentCo. July 22, 2017

family planting plants together

Jennie Garth told In Touch that, at age 44, she might want to have another baby with her new husband. She is already mom to three children, as am I. Courtney Cox also revealed in an interview that she would even consider having another baby at 53. I have for a long time yearned for a fourth child, but at age 45 and already a mother of three, I had pretty much assumed I was done. After reading about Garth, I feel suddenly emboldened to reconsider. What is it about a celebrity proclaiming something not normally done that makes us average folks finally believe a dream might be possible after all? If she can do it, why can’t I? It’s amazing how quickly my hesitations and reasons suddenly didn’t seem so important and how much stock I put in others’ experiences and feelings as opposed to my own. I’ve decided to make a list of all the reasons why I should not have another child and hope that this will be birth control enough to keep me free of a fourth hungry mouth. 1 | I have three children already. That’s plenty. And it’s not like they are all boys or girls either, so I can’t make the argument, Well, I always wanted a… 2 | I have a career. Both my husband and I have careers. I don’t think either one of us is prepared to let go of our work aspirations to stay home and take care of a baby all day. As it is now with just three kids, we already struggle to have enough quality time with each of them. They always want more of us, and there is only so much of us to give. seeking freelance writers to submit work about families, parenting and kids 3 | All of my pregnancies have been difficult. With two of the three pregnancies, I ended up in the hospital. My body does not like being pregnant, which causes me to be very sick with nonstop throwing up for the first three months. 4 | I am 45 years old going on 46 very soon. If I were to get pregnant successfully, knowing many women my age struggle getting pregnant, I would be 46 by the time I would give birth. We all know the complications that can occur when a woman is over 40. I know other women my age who are grandmas. 5 | I am not a happy, crunchy mom. What I mean is, I’m not one of those women who just loves the whole mom scene. I don’t bake homemade cookies or put up lots of holiday decorations or belong to the PTA. I don’t love taking kids to kids to the doctor or playing for hours on the floor with Barbies or trucks. I love my children. But I am not a big fan of the whole mommy career. 6 | I suffer from depression. I have major depression, which makes postpartum depression even worse. I’m on medication right now, which I’ve been on for years. I would need to go off my meds to get pregnant, and I don’t know if I can really handle that right now. 7 | We can just barely afford the three kids we have now. We have created a nice life for ourselves, but one in which every dollar is spent every month. We could definitely fit another child in our house, but financially, it would be a struggle to add another child. Not to mention having to start saving for another child’s college education. 8 | I would really like to enjoy some alone time with my husband. You know, just the two of us. If we were to have another child, we would be delaying our alone time again. I’d like to travel and explore the world with my husband while we’re still healthy. We had my daughter before we got married, so we never really had a lot of time to ourselves. 9 | The world is already overpopulated. To those who would say it’s selfish to have another child, I get it. The world is full of people, and we just keep making more. Why should I bring another child into the world when we’ve already had the experience three times over? I should allow other younger women to have the experience and not go throwing my fertility around. 10 | Sleepless nights! I nursed all three of my children pretty solidly for the first two years. Am I ready to accept sleepless nights again or do things differently this time? Would I be able to bottle-feed along with nursing so that my husband could take on some night feedings? So, there’s my logic speaking. It paints a picture – a vibrant picture – of why our family is probably the perfect size just the way it is. And yet, I can’t deny the desire to have another baby. There, I said it. It’s not logical or intellectual or smart. But some deep part of me yearns to bring another creation into the world. I want to have that wholeness buried within me again. I want to carry that life, that love. I feel I have more mothering in me. Just when we’re getting really good at this mothering gig, we’re expected to hang it all up and be done with it. Jennie Garth and Courtney Cox expressed out loud what I feel inside: It would be amazing to have one more…



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