The Huffington Post recently shared several popular teen slang terms in an attempt to enlighten the
walking dead middle-age parents.
To return the courtesy, here are several middle-age parents’ slang terms, helpfully decoded for today’s teen.
PAP – Does not mean “post a pic.” Means after an uncomfortable swab the doctor will then post the results in the mail. (Or maybe call you, if anything seems abnormal.)
On fleece – Very comfortable for walking Goldie on a chilly evening. Most commonly ordered from L.L. Bean.
BF OMG – Bitch From Olivia’s Mommy Group.
Peep – I know you think this means “people”, but we decided a really long time ago this means delicious Easter treat best enjoyed while high in your dorm room and watching Teen Wolf. (No, the good one, with Michael J. Fox.)
No Chill (the Chardonnay) – When Trish and Dan cancel their dinner party and you no longer have to attend. Thank Christ.
HuLoGo – Not a streaming service. Rather, the inability to tell Vanessa Hudgens, Demi Lovato, and Selena Gomez apart, and the vague belief that they are maybe the same person?
BFF OUOTWIFYN– Best Friends Forever Or Until Our Thirties When I Forget Your Name. This is when someone sends you a friendship request and you’re pretty sure you maybe went to high school with her, but you aren’t positive and so proceed to ignore the request for eternity.
Buffersuffer – When you’re in IKEA and your three year-old is clutching your phone and screaming like the gods have once again forsaken him because the Youtube clip of a cat making toast is still buffering.
WATSEL – Why Are Teenagers So Effing Loud? For real though, why are you always shrieking? You see that lady changing subway cars? It’s because you sound like a pack of coked up banshees.
Banshees – You really don’t know this word? Okay. Pretend it’s whatever a bae is.
Netflix and Pass Out – Exactly what it says. As in: Let’s put on Better Call Saul, fall asleep mid-way through, then argue over who has to clear the wine glasses from Caleb’s train table before he wakes up.
Retinol – Oh, you’ll find out soon enough, my dear. And when you do, there shall be no LOLZ. Only TEERZ.