There are times in our parenting careers when we’re at a complete and total loss — we’re stuck, we don’t know what to say, we don’t know what to do.
It’s times like these we have to ask ourselves: What Would Sarah Palin Do? (That’s WWSPD if you wanna have it stamped on a bracelet.)
Luckily we’ve compiled some of the best Sarah Palinisms (complete with associated GIF for theatrical direction) to help you handle those perplexing parenting scenarios from homework help to sibling rivalry.
SCENARIO: Your kid wants more screen time. You’ve explained calmly, repeatedly, that screen time is over. He’s whining, WHHHYYYYY?
Act crazy and scream: HEADS ARE SPINNING! MEDIA HEADS ARE SPINNING!
SCENARIO: You’ve just arrived at the school play in an auditorium full of people whose names you should know, but can’t remember.
Just call them by what they do: You farm families, and teachers, and teamsters, and cops, and cooks. You rock ‘n’ rollers. And holy rollers! All of you who work so hard. You full-time moms. You with the hands that rock the cradle. You all make the world go round, and now our cause is one!
Then drop the mic like this: (Seriously though, put it down gently, that shit’s expensive.)
SCENARIO: It’s the end of a long day and the kids have pushed ALL the buttons. You lose it. You yell a little. Your partner walks in and asks if you’re angry.
Say this: Doggone right we’re angry! Justifiably so! Yes! You know, they stomp on our neck, and then they tell us, ‘Just chill, okay, just relax.’ Well, look, we are mad, and we’ve been had. They need to get used to it.
SCENARIO: Your 3rd grader wants to run for class president. You want to encourage him to be a leader, but also need to warn him that if he runs, he might get his feelings hurt.
Explain: You are going to get so clobbered in the press. You are just going to get beat up, and chewed up, and spit out.
If he retorts: Yeah, I’ll go, send me, you betcha. I’ll serve.
The you say: Because you are ready to make America great again.
And then you know he’s got what it takes. Be proud. You done good.
SCENARIO: You meet a friend for lunch. She asks you’re doing. You can’t even find the words to explain how freaking irritated you are with the kids’ non-stop fighting.
Tell her: …we’re paying for some of their squirmishes that have been going on for centuries. Where they’re fightin’ each other and yellin’ “Allah Akbar” calling Jihad on each other’s heads forever and ever. Like I’ve said before, let them duke it out…