1 | When your kids complain that all their friends celebrate Christmas and Hanukkah is barely considered a holiday, regale them with the story of the brave Maccabees, some Greek war, and the miracle with the oil, which you looked up on Wikipedia that morning.
2 | When the greeter at the mall wishes your family a "Merry Christmas," correct her loudly and say, "Actually, we prefer 'Happy Holidays' since we are an interfaith family that celebrates both Christmas and Hanukkah." Then sneak out the side entrance of the mall and re-enter to see if the greeter has learned from her mistakes.
3 | Make Christmas last for eight days. When your in-laws complain about having to buy eight times as many presents and host eight separate dinners, remind them about the time commitment the Maccabees made to fight in a war or something.
4 | After Midnight Mass, go to Sunrise Synagogue. When the building caretaker explains that there's no such thing because Hanukkah isn't all that religious and most Jews are home resting up to go to the movies later, storm off in a righteous huff.
5 | Fill the Christmas stockings with chocolate gelt. When your son reminds you that the stockings were hung over the fireplace and all the chocolate has melted into a mound of gilded goop, sit him down and talk about the Maccabees some more.
6 | Go to IHOP and order latkes. When they tell you they don't have any, go home and whip up a batch. Stir the batter with a candy cane. Cut them into shapes using a gingerbread cookie cutter, only instead of frosting, use sautéed onions to decorate.
7 | Decorate the Christmas tree with Jewish things, like a Star of David made from popsicle sticks, and an ornament of that one Jewish character from South Park.
8 | Replace all the Hanukkah candles in the menorah with Yankee candles scented like gingerbread and pine needles.
9 | Have your kids put all their Christmas gifts in a pile in the living room. Make them take turns spinning the dreidel to determine how many presents they get. Continue playing until one of your children has won all the presents.
10 | Whenever you see the phrase "Keep Christ in Christmas," remind people that Jesus was Jewish, and that phrase really means "Oh Come, All Ye Interfaithful."
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