Oh, summer, how we love you! Blue skies, long days, and happy kids home from school.
Well, mostly happy kids.
Um. Sort of happy kids.
OK FINE. Bratty-ass kids complaining that they're SOOO BORED.
Summer camps to the rescue!
Even with so many good ones to choose from, there's still a handful of summer camps we really wish were real. Like these:
Camp Holy Crap Please Just Learn How to Ride Your Bike Already
Camp activities: Bike riding. Wound dressing. Yelling. Occasional crying.
Camp motto: No one calls home.
Camp Rediscover the Joy of All the Things We've Already Given You
Camp activities: Wrapping and unwrapping your own stuff.
Camp motto: Surprise!
Camp Practice Something. Anything. Just Pick Something.
Camp activities: Practicing anything. Anything at all. Rock collecting, yo-yo, violin, sewing. Pick any one of the 4000 things you've said you want to be able to do, and F*CKING PRACTICE IT.
Camp motto: We sort of believe in you.
Camp Try Harder
Camp activities: Trying harder. Can't carry all the things? Try harder. Can't finish your homework? Try harder. Can't find your shoes? Try harder.
Camp motto: Literally no one cares.
Camp activities: You ask us for things. We say no. Repeat.
Camp motto: You can't always get what you want.
Camp The Drums Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time, But Turns Out You Sorta Suck
Camp activities: Getting a grip on reality.
Camp motto: You're average.
Camp If You Don't Take Care of Your Pets, They'll Die
Camp activities: Take care of your pet, or watch it die.
Camp motto: This is how life actually works.
Camp Find Someone Who'll Pay You to Do That Cuz I Won't
Camp activities: Unload someone else's dishwasher, see if they pay you. Fold someone else's laundry, see if they pay you. Mow someone else's lawn, see if they pay you.
Camp motto: We're not stupid, kid.
Camp Babysitting as Birth Control (for Tweens + Teens)
Camp activities: Taking care of several babies for 336 non-stop hours.
Camp motto: You don't want one.
Camp No Seriously, You're Killing Us With the Play-by-Play
Camp activities: Editing.
Camp motto: We love you but we really need you to get to the f*cking point.
Camp You Have to Carry Your Own Damn Stuff
Camp activities: Carrying your own damn stuff.
Camp motto: No, you can't put it in my bag.
It’s the New Year, and I have been doing a lot of thinking. I want to say, with all of my heart and all of my soul, that I am sorry. I want apologize for anything (and everything) I have said or done that made you feel less-than or sad or small.
This year I am resolving, with a twist. There will be no diet, exercise, less swearing and drinking, "more church" kind of resolutions. This year I'm simply letting go of the things that are just not productive nor conducive to my life. This is the year I give up several of my hard-earned mom-related titles.
Surround yourself and your kids with piles of magazines and update vision boards for the fresh, new year to come. If nothing else came from this evening together, we exercised our creativity and bonded while reenacting some of the over-the-top advertisements we came across.