“Always remember where you put your kid. Don’t let your kid drive until their feet can reach the pedals. Use the right size diapers… for yourself. And, when in doubt, make funny faces.”
- Amy Poehler
“I really love my kids for about six minutes a day.”
- Michael Ian Black
“Ah, babies! They’re more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts.”
- Tina Fey
“You have two babies! Your sperm worked twice!”
- Chris Rock
“Becoming a mom to me means you have accepted that for the next 16 years of your life, you will have a sticky purse.”
- Nia Vardalos
“You never know when you’re gonna get crapped on or when you’re gonna get a big smile or when that smile immediately turns into hysterics. It might be like living with a drug addict.”
- Blake Lively
“Anything else that woke you up every 45 minutes, you’d kill it. But when it’s a baby, it’s the best thing that ever happened to you.”
“It’s amazing how you can be so happy and then so exhausted in the same moment. It’s like cocaine without the dark alleys of shame.”
- Ryan Reynolds
“When you’re having dinner with your kids and husband and someone says something funny or you’re dying laughing because your three-year-old make a fart joke, it doesn’t matter what else is going on. That’s real happiness.”
- Gwyneth Paltrow
“Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.”
- Jon Stewart
“Parenthood is f***ing hard. I thought it would be easy. Everyone f***ing does it, how hard can it be? Ohhhh… it’s hard, but it’s phenomenal.”
- Adele
“Usually the triumph of my day is, you know, everybody making it to the potty.”
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