The Free Time My Husband Doesn’t Realize He Has

by ParentCo. January 28, 2016

The other day my husband and I got into a conversation about free time. We both agreed that he, working 45 hours a week, could definitely use more free time. We also both agreed that I, being a stay-at-home mom and therefore working 1000 hours a week, could definitely use more free time as well. But I was not so sure he really knew how much free time he got throughout the day. So I made a handy list for him.

Time in the Shower

The time of day in which he is getting clean and not worrying about what someone is doing or talking to someone over the curtain or, in many cases, literally holding someone in there with him. #freetime

Getting Dressed for Work

The time of day in which he is alone in a room, picking out and putting on clothing. There are no babies pulling on that clothing or running off with that clothing or asking to be picked up. That’s what we in the business call… #freetime

The Walk to the Car

The time of day in which he is outside, walking at his chosen pace in complete silence and serenity to his vehicle. The sun is up, the birds are singing, the air is clear, and he is taking it all in. Is there a forty pound human squirming in his arms all the while? Nope? #freetime

The Drive to and from Work

The time of day in which he is completely alone in his car. There are no babies in the back seat throwing things or crying or just plain being there to think about. He can listen to any amount of Vanilla Ice songs or say any number of curse words during this time and come out fine except for maybe in terms of poor music taste and one of the Ten Commandments. #freetime

Work Break Time

The time of day in which he is at work but not actually doing work. A well-deserved break, I’ll grant it. But still, as he sits there on Facebook eating a bagel, where are the babies? Hiding under the tables? Playing with the refrigerator doors? Nope? No sign of them? #freetime

Time Spent Using the Restroom at Work

This is obviously a necessary time of day, but it’s also one in which he is completely alone and able to piss without having to look into someone else’s eyes or carry on a conversation with someone else through a wall the entire time. Is he able to observe the Doppler effect as tiny cries come closer and closer to the bathroom door? Is he narrating his handwashing process in a silly accent? No? Didn’t think so. #freetime


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