"The good news is what we're saying to our kids doesn't go in one ear and out the other, like people might have thought," said CU-Boulder psychology Professor Yuko Munakata. "It also doesn't go in and then get put into action like it does with adults. But rather it goes in and gets stored away for later."The good news is that children can improve in following instructions. Remember, their little brains are immature but very flexible. Like exercising muscles, you can help your child “exercise” their brain to do new tasks. When you ask your child to do something requires them to look beyond their own immediate desires, their brain has to switch gears. As psychologist Laura Markham points out, the more practice they get doing this willingly, the more exercise their brain gets in working towards an outward goal. They key here is: willingly. It’s important to work with your child for compliance so those brain connections take hold. If you force them to do something, it’s much less effective. It may sound simplistic, but those old-fashioned games we played as kids really can help our own kids learn these self-discipline skills. Remember games like freeze dance and Simon Says? These simple games help kids exercise those brain connections that require them to wait and not act on their immediate impulse. There’s a reason these games are still played (or should be played) in preschools. Psychologists also suggest that you can help create a “bridge” from the activity your child is engaged in (e.g., playing) to the task you want them to do (e.g., get shoes on). This involves more than just the “two-minute warning” that we all use on a regular basis. It goes a step further and encourages the child to bridge the gap between the fun activity and the required task. So maybe you suggest your child drive his toy train over to the shoe rack to begin putting on shoes. You could suggest a race to see who can put their jacket on the fastest. All these “bridges” help connect their play to the task at hand. This helps ease the transition and can even make it seem like fun. Of course, children’s brains do eventually mature to the point that they can plan ahead and anticipate future events. Even the 8-year-olds in the study already had a much easier time completing the task than the preschoolers. In the meantime, this study is a good reminder that young children are not just like adults in smaller bodies. They are probably not actively trying to ignore you – yet.
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