Valentine's Day is ALMOST HERE! OMG! Hurry up! BUY SOMETHING!
This freaking holiday. SO MUCH PRESSURE. Especially for dudes. YEAH, I SAID IT. Cuz it's true. No one cares what dudes want -- what husbands want, what fathers want. No one even asks. So we asked. And these are the top 5 things:
No, honey, really. It smells great.
HOLD THE PHONE. What?! NO WAY. Yep. Truth. Wait though. Dudes don't want long, drawn-out, candlelit, rose petal, melted chocolate dripped on nipples, pretend we like taking baths together sex. (What? It's fine.) Dudes just want sex that goes like this: Oh hey, babe. BAM! You're having sex. Couch is good. Bedroom is good. Basement is fine. Car works. He just wants you to want him. Yeah, JUST like you want him to want you. So, ok then. Git that!
If dudes could just burn Valentine's Day down, they would. It's the WORST.
The marketing is terrible: HEY, GUYS! Remember all the ways you consistently FAIL to be romantic every other day of the year? WELL, YOU BEST MAKE UP FOR IT ON THIS ONE DAY, BRO. Yeah, that's right, you better run. Run to the bank, that is. I don't know how to cancel Valentine's Day as a gift to your dude, but here's an idea: maybe just make it Big Lebowski Day instead? Everyone gets a new bathrobe and an excuse to lie around drinking White Russians! Yeah. Now THAT'S a holiday we can ALL get behind.
It takes a village!
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