Have you ever considered encouragement to motivate your kids to do their contributions at home or even in the classroom? Yes?
Great! Encouragement is one more way to rid you and your family or your classroom of sticker charts, bribing, and reminding forever.
This article from The Greater Good Magazine offers GREAT points for using encouragement to increase our childrens self-motivation, specifically when it comes to tasks they are reluctant to perform. (AKA the boring stuff).
Show empathybefore you even ask your children to do something you know they dont want to do. And if, after you have empathized with their feelings, they continue to resist, and then ask what? Sometimes the answer to the what is simple and can be the key to cooperation. For example, instead of constantly reminding, bribing and nagging your children to fold their laundry, empathize with them and their desire to do more fun things, and then ask what makes it so hard to get the job done. You might find out that they just dont want to go down to the basement laundry room aloneits scary. Or you might find out they would happily do it if they were listening to music or watching TV at the same time.
Offer a real rationale for motivationDont just say, Because I told you to. Instead explain to them why brushing their teeth, or keeping the bathroom clean, or vacuuming the floor will keep them, and the whole family, healthy; give them examples of the things you are free to do now that they are helping take over their portion of the family work. Tell them that you are giving them responsibilities now because they will need to know how to do all of these things, and more, when they are 18 and on their own.
Let your kids know that they have a choice, rather than trying to control thembossiness does not lead to cooperation, period. Your children are much less likely to help out, and will definitely not help out happily, when you use bossy, controlling language. Instead, let your children know that they have a choice in their contribution. Maybe the choice is when; for example, Would you like to fold your laundry now or after dinner? Or maybe the choice is whether they will help at all; for example, Would you be willing to . If your children say no, then find out what they would be willing to do, or go back to # 1 and ask what is stopping them from contributing.
There are always going to be tasks that our children really dont want to do (gee, there are tasks I dont want to do). The key to developing cooperation is how we respond to their unwillingness. Do we try to squash it with controlling language, do we bribe them with rewards and stickers, ORdo we use our power to encourage by empathizing with their feelings, finding out more about the situation by asking questions, giving them real reasons for doing the task, and allowing them some choice in how or when the task is going to be completed?
It’s the New Year, and I have been doing a lot of thinking. I want to say, with all of my heart and all of my soul, that I am sorry. I want apologize for anything (and everything) I have said or done that made you feel less-than or sad or small.
This year I am resolving, with a twist. There will be no diet, exercise, less swearing and drinking, "more church" kind of resolutions. This year I'm simply letting go of the things that are just not productive nor conducive to my life. This is the year I give up several of my hard-earned mom-related titles.