Should We Pay Our Kids for Good Grades?I’d like to meet the parent who HASN’T bribed their kids at least once. We’ve all been there - a tricky situation where our kids simply WILL NOT do what we want them to. So we tell them we’ll give them something in return if they comply - a treat, more screen time, or money - just so they’ll do what we need them to do. These bribes are often used when the situation is critical - when major consequences are at stake if the kid doesn’t comply. Nothing fits that description more than school. How kids perform in school often determines where they go to college, what kind of profession they’ll have, or even if they’re able to graduate from high school. So in order to motivate our kids to do their school work, the best way to get action is to pay them for good grades - right? Well, yes and no. First let’s look at the “yes” part of that answer: Research shows that paying kids for good grades often DOES improve them. Initially. When kids receive rewards - whether it’s for doing chores, limiting screen time or doing well in school - there’s almost always improvement. The floor is swept, the A is achieved, the test scores go up. But the question is - even if kids are able to achieve an A in Pre-Algebra or get a top score on a standardized exam with the incentive of cash, what lesson does it teach and will those improvements last? Psychological studies going back as far as the early 1970s have found that rewards programs often result in less engaged students. The studies show that students who receive rewards are being trained to do the minimum amount needed to get the reward - not developing an intrinsic love of learning that ultimately makes them more successful academically and as an adult. Alfie Kohn, author of Punished by Rewards, told NPR: “research confirms that ‘the bigger the reward, the more damage it does’ by encouraging students to focus on the goodies, not the learning. ‘The more you use cell phones, T-shirts, money or whatever, the more you undermine motivation for becoming engaged and prolific learners,’ he said.” The other downside to giving kids rewards is that they put the responsibility for learning on the parent - who needs to come up with more rewards for sustained results and also has to continue to monitor success. As Richard Ryan, a professor at Rochester University told The Sunday Times: “If a parent were to say, ‘I will give you this if you achieve all As’, the child is likely to do it for that reward. It also means that subsequently, he will think, well, the only reason to learn is to get the reward. If I am not getting the reward that I want, I am not interested in learning.” And if a child decides the money is no longer worth the effort? The parent is out of luck. What to do instead: Carol Dweck, a psychologist and author, suggests to reward your child verbally. Once your child has achieved a goal, say how the effort and studying paid off and how you’re proud he improved his grades. Richard Ryan suggests that after a child does well, the parent can suggest a celebration, like going to a special restaurant for a meal. He argues that this is not a reward but just an acknowledgment and celebration of a goal achieved. “A reward that acknowledges a great effort is more effective than one that is promised upfront for getting an A. Appreciation is always a better motivator than control. “ Ryan says. And if you have a kid who is completely unmotivated: Amy McCready, the Founder of PositiveParentingSolutions.com, gave this advice in a New York Times article on how to manage a kid who is unmotivated to get homework done:
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