Dear Wife,
I’m not good at telling you things. Real things. Things that come from the depths and make their way into your heart and soul.
It’s not that I don’t try to tell you these things. I do. But sometimes my words come out feeling cheap, like I chose the wrong time to tell you or I used the wrong words. I don’t really understand why this is.
You see, I have this great pool of emotion within me that contains all of my deepest feelings for you. But sometimes when I dip down into these waters and try to pour you a cup, all that comes out is a few drops. But not today. Today, I am putting into words how I truly feel about you.
If you’re a wife reading this, I would be willing to bet that your husband feels the same way. Despite what society tells you, we men feel deeply, even if we aren’t always great at showing that emotion to you.
There are times when I look at you and think to myself, I'm the luckiest damn man in the world. And I believe it down to the core of who I am. I exude pride because of you. I'm turned on by you. And yet, I know what happens when you look in the mirror. You see someone different than I see.
You’ve been forced into a Photoshop-world of freakish expectations and I grieve the times that you don’t see the bride that I see. I intend to spend my days silencing that judgemental voice with the sound of my own roar that says, "You are beautiful."
I can’t ever compare to Mr. Darcy, Edward Cullen, or any other “perfect” man. But, damn it, I love you with the force of a hurricane and I’ll be damned if I’m seen as less than these men. I may not have beautiful words to say, but I’ll change diapers and take the kids off of your hands until I pass out if it means showing my love for you.
I know you. You think that you should feel better, happier, and more content than you really are. But you're in a tough phase right now at home whether it’s being woken up in the middle of the night or stressing about discipline. I want you to have the freedom to feel exactly how you feel and not put another “should” on yourself.
Sometimes in the midst of our crazy kid-filled life, we miss each other. I want you to know that I still see you. I see when you're upset, tired, or bothered by something. I see your frustration when I get home late from work. I hear you when we're fighting about something (even if I don't admit it at the time). You – the real, deep you – are not invisible to me.
I want you to be happy. The thing is, your happiness comes, in part, from taking care of yourself. Yes, we have needy children but you have to put on your own oxygen mask before you can help other passengers. Take a Saturday morning to yourself or go on a weekend trip with your girlfriends. I’ll be fine with the kids.
You make me laugh. You’ve brought tears to my eyes. I love spending time with you. Anytime I experience something wonderful, something dreadful, or anything in between, you are the one I want to tell.
It’s easy to spend our time and energy focused on our children. However, I want you to know that my allegiance and my love is to you first, then to our children. Let’s make our marriage great and our children will follow suit.
You should already know this, but I want to say it anyway: if you fall ill and need me to take care of you, I will.
I know you normally do the laundry and the cooking (and a whole host of other things). Let me help you. Tell me those times when you’re dragging and needing help. I’m here to help relieve you.
Stephen Bradshaw
Author