Chocolate Makes You Smarter Concludes Best Scientific Study Ever Done

Here’s the best news you’ll ever hear ever ever ever.

OMG, I must be SO SMART.

Seriously, I’m getting smarter by the minute thanks to the pop rocks-infused, chipotle pepper, dark chocolate bar I’m about to crush.

According to a new study published in the journalĀ Appetite, along with reducing the risk of stroke and being good cardiac health, people who eat chocolate at least once a week have improved memory and abstract thinking.

If by “at least once a week” they mean “at least once a day” then I have this on lock.

The study examined the mean scores on cognitive tests of just under 1000 participants who ate chocolate less than once a week and those who ate it at least once a week. In the analysis they discovered the best news I have ever heard in my life: eating chocolate is strongly linked to superior brain function.

Psychologist Merrill Elias, a lead researcher on the study, explained, “Our study definitely indicates that the direction is not that cognitive ability affects chocolate consumption, but that chocolate consumption affects cognitive ability.

Although researchers aren’t entirely sure why this is, Elias concludes, “…what we can say for now is that you can eat small amounts of chocolate without guilt if you don’t substitute chocolate for a normal balanced healthy diet.

Amen, brother. AMEN.